Me and My Community

This school year, Guidance and Library Sciences will continue in the tradition of co-teaching our guidance series for our Kindergarteners through 5th graders.  (Kudos to Ms. Steim, our amazing librarian!)  We will once again, start with our leaders in grades four and five, spending four weeks talking about friendships, how to approach diversity and differences, and ways to prevent bullying in our school.  Weaving through our discussions will be threads of kindness, courage, and community.  Please visit the Lowell Guidance website for more specifics about the "Me and My Community" series.

On the issue of diversity, I learned something rather interesting this summer while taking a course called "Evolution & Cognition".  There has been some research evidence that we are not wired to be racially biased, although many of us actively categorize people by race and culture.  When shown pictures of "people" in generic shirts and different skin colors, subjects sorted and stored (remembered) the individuals based on their skin tones.  When the pictures had different soccer team uniforms instead of generic shirts, subjects remembered the "people" by their teams, or affiliation/coalition, rather than skin color.  Given the evolutionary history of human, it has always been important to our survival to be able to distinguish if someone belongs to the same "group" as us and whether they are friend or foe.

If we learn to recognize ourselves as a community, whether in the form of a classroom, a grade, a school, a town, etc., we will perhaps put down barriers embedded in perceived differences and be more inclined to be interested and respectful in the differences between us.  Seeing ourselves as a community may also help us engage in civil discourse when conflicts arise and help us multiple our acts of kindness.

Snippets on Bullying

[From Developmental Resources Inc.]

A few highlights from recent research compiled by Dr. Meline Kevorkian and Robin D'Antona in 101 Facts about Bullying: What Everyone Should Know.

Fact #3: Bullying often happens in front of adults. (Teachers and parents sometimes overlook bullying because they view it as a “fair fight.”)

Fact #5: Bullying is a worldwide problem! (International researchers have demonstrated that bullying in schools is universal.)

Fact #8: Even friends can be bullies. (Children should be taught to differentiate between constructive criticism, friendly advice and outright bullying.)

Fact #15: Sibling violence is as serious as peer-to-peer violence. (Sibling bullying usually involves children between the ages of 2 and 9.)

Fact #26: Bully-victims are students who can be both a bully and a victim. (Because they have been victimized, bully-victims feel a sense of entitlement to perpetuate the behavior.)

Fact #27: Bully-victims and bullies tend to have more negative attitudes toward school. (They also tend to be more involved in negative behaviors – including delinquency, weapons possession and substance abuse.)

Fact #29: Students who fight back are more likely to be victimized. (Contrary to popular belief, violence often aggravates the situation.)

Fact #30: Victims tend to lack social skills and blame themselves when they are bullied. (They often feel they deserve to be treated poorly by their peers.)

Fact #33: Adolescents who bully often are popular and psychologically strong. (Bullies often use their status within a group to humiliate others. Because they tend to be psychologically stronger, they use that ability to control others.)

Fact #35: Overly aggressive and overly permissive parents are equally likely to have children who bully. (Harsh parents send a message to their children that this is an appropriate way to respond to others. Permissive parents fail to apply consequences for aggressive behavior.)

Dr. Meline Kevorkian is also author of Preventing Bullying, Six Secrets for Parents to Help Their Kids Achieve in School and The Comfort Zone. She is the Executive Director of Academic Review at Nova Southeastern University and a board member of the International Bullying Prevention Association.

Dylan Radley on Bullying

Love this little guy!

As Schools Confront Bullying, No Easy Fix on Horizon - The Boston Globe

Jennifer Mitchell’s students participated in a lesson in antibullying at the Ivan G. Smith Elementary School.
(Photo by Suzanne Kreiter/ Globe Staff)

As I read this article, a few questions came to mind:
As schools confront bullying, no easy fix on horizon - The Boston Globe

"A mother told of the night her teenage son went to a school dance. Her son suffers from autism and was intimidated by the social setting, but nonetheless ventured onto the dance floor. Unknown to him, a classmate videotaped him and posted the video on the Web. Come Monday morning, the teen was met with a barrage of insults and taunts about the video."

1. Why would any of our children want to be any part of this? By this, I mean videotaping, posting, (watching the clip), insulting, and taunting. Do we want to be a culture that enjoys making fun of people who look or behave differently?

"The week before Mitchell convened the meeting in her classroom, a group of Smith students had organized a recess group modeled on a popular television show. The group voted students out of the group, and then barred them from watching the proceedings."

2. Why do so many TV shows consider public humiliation "entertainment"?

Prevention, Reporting, and Intervention

It is true that we need to report and investigate carefully all alleged bullying incidents. I know what it is like to have someone systematically and consistently victimize my child. I know that feeling of helplessness because I am not in my child's school and I cannot be there to help.

Yet, reporting, investigating, and consequencing bullying behaviors is just one component of creating a safe school. Effective intervention is very complicated. As grown ups, we need to stand up for those who are easy targets. Sometimes, they also need help seeing how they provoke or annoy others. Yet, there is the balance of not making them feel that they cannot be true to themselves.

We need the silent majority to be positive bystanders. They see the bullying and they can be empowered to speak up. They can also scoop up and include the child who is at risk. When not isolated, (s)he is much less likely to become an easy target. When the bystanders come to us, we must pay attention. Very often, children stop reporting bullying because they feel that we either don't listen, or we are ineffective in stopping it.

Lastly, we need to teach our children to be powerful in the right way. To be able to control someone or elicit an emotional response from someone is a powerful experience. Everyone can be tempted to try this behavior on for size. Sometimes the same child may be victimized and targeting another child at the same time. So when the school calls, it is really important to work with the teachers closely. When parents and teachers work together, children feel safe and supported and work hard to change their negative behaviors. Consistently consequencing negative behaviors while replacing them with positive ones is the best way to redirect a misguided sense of power. We have to inspire our children to find power in acts of kindness such as picking fair teams, inviting someone in the peripheral to join the group, or simply walk away and take others with him/her when someone is acting like a bully - refusing to participate or give audience.

Burlington school leaders confront bullying head-on - The Boston Globe

October Bullying Prevention Month

In just a couple of weeks, our students in grades 3 through 5 will have spent 4 weeks deepening their understanding of bullying. We are taking time to carefully define bullying; clearly identify the aggressor, target(s), and bystanders in situations; and courageously consider how we can activate the power of the bystanders.

Please take a look at this VoiceThread addressing some of the myths around bullying.

Although not a personal fan of Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network (I am definitely a PBS girl), I am so pleased to see programming in support of October Bullying Prevention Month:

• Nickelodeon News on Sunday night, October 3rd, 2010 at 9:00 pm EST, Sticks, Stones, and Cyberbullying.
• Cartoon Network, Stop Bullying: Speak Up, October 4th, 2010

Also check out Stop Bullying Now - a favorite!

Building Community is the Key

It's common sense that building community is the key to preventing and combating bullying behaviors. Nevertheless, it is encouraging to be supported by research. Caring School Community - here we go!

There’s Only One Way to Stop a Bully
By SUSAN ENGEL and MARLENE SANDSTROM
Published: July 22, 2010

Shift in Our Teaching

This is a shift from what we have been teaching. It is true that we want to inoculate young hearts with respect, "the golden rule", and empathy. However, amidst the occurrence of a bullying situation, do consider Rosalind Wiseman's advise in "5 Ways to Prevent and Stop Cyberbullying".

Summer Camps Confront Bullying

Summer camps confront challenge of bullying - The Boston Globe

The Secret to Stopping a Bully? - The Boston Globe

Reposting part 1 of the Globe Series on bullying from Sunday, May 2nd, 2010
The secret to stopping a bully? - The Boston Globe

Talent Show - Cyberbullying Prevention Commercial