The Sign of Great Parenting

As a young parent, I was consumed with what my children did.  Certainly some of the concern was centered around their health and safety, but much of it was centered on my need for their compliance.  A wise mentor, observing my parenting style, casually commented "You know, when they are little, we can make them do things because we are bigger and more powerful.  But as they get bigger and faster, we really can't make them do anything.  Some parents try to use baits and guilt, but in the end, we have to rely on our ability to influence them and not to control them.  That's why it's the relationship we build that truly matters."

Her wisdom deeply influenced my parenting philosophy.  Am I expressing care by my action?  "Oh, that sounds rough!  I am in the middle of cooking dinner but I can listen if you want to tell me more about it?  Am I expressing my confidence in them?  "Go ahead, climb!  I am right here!"  Am I expressing how much I value their independent thinking?  "Huh...I didn't see it that way, but explain that to me again..."

Let's not worry about what others think but wrap our hearts around the connection between us and our children.  No matter how old they are, they will always need to feel safe enough to dock back home.  No matter how successful they are, they may still need to rely on our influence.  "May" being the key word...so let's stay connected, just in case.

P.E.A.C.E.

"Little people with BIG feelings don't need a piece of your mind.  They need your peace of mind."

Teaching Tolerance and Respect for Diversity

How silence can breed prejudice: A child development professor explains how and why to talk to kids about race by Brigitte Vittrup

Talking to our children about topics such as race, disability, and other differences can be uncomfortable.  It is, however, extremely important if we want to build a positive community and gift them with positive life skills.  This article by Brigitte Vittrup shares a few good ideas including sample script for responding to different situations such as a child's observation regarding the patrons at a restaurant and meeting an inter-racial couple for the first time.

“Actually, this is a Thai restaurant, so maybe some of them are from Thailand. It’s a different country than China, and they even speak a different language.”

“When you love someone, it doesn’t matter what color they are” or “Friends come in all colors. As long as they’re nice, they can be your friend.”

20 Things I Have Learned Since My Son Was Diagnosed With Autism

"A diagnosis is just a label" so some people say, it provides helpful information they explain.  It may be so for some, but when a label is put on our children, it strikes a note, sometimes a chord deep in our beings.  The label can be something simple such as tall or shy, or something closer to home like energetic or strong-willed.  When the preschool lead teacher told me that my daughter was precocious, I went home and cried because I could not make sense of the word in relation to my precious child and I wondered if I was doing something terribly wrong.

We do that, mothers, blame ourselves for just about everything.  When it comes to something deeper like a learning profile or a medical condition, the impact runs so deep and it is easy to feel very alone.  While this piece by Shawna Wingert does not provide a comprehensive view of what it feels like to be parents of children diagnosed with Autism, it does provide a sense of camaraderie and a little much needed chuckle for some.  

My favorite lines:

• 13. Being a student of my child has helped me learn more than any book, therapist, or website. Differences in brain function can be really hard to understand for the neurotypical momma. The more I pay attention to how my son thinks and responds, the more I begin to understand.
• 14. Autism makes my life weird sometimes. For example, I found myself in an aquarium store every single day last week. Every single day, for at least an hour a visit. It feels like a bizarre way to spend our time, but this is us, living our life well.

20 Things I Have Learned Since My Son Was Diagnosed With Autism by Shawna Wingert

Here's to living our life well!

Kindergartens Ringing the Bell for Play Inside the Classroom

Shared by one of our second grade parents: Kindergartens Ringing the Bell for Play Inside the Classroom by Motoko Rich.  Play is such a powerful concept.  Even as grown ups, we enjoy people who are playful and we attain new knowledge better when the learning environment is fun.  These two quotes sum up the concept well:

“People think if you do one thing you can’t do the other,” said Nell Duke, a professor of education at the University of Michigan. “It really is a false dichotomy.”

“Before we had the water table because it was fun and kids liked it,” she said. “Now we have the water table so kids can explore how water moves and actually explore scientific ideas.”

April 30 is Pay it Forward Day!

50 Easy Pay it Forward Day Kindness Ideas:

1. Pay it Backward: buy coffee for the person behind you in line.
2. Compliment the first three people you talk to today.
3. Send a positive text message to five different people right now.
4. Post inspirational sticky notes around your neighborhood, office, school, etc.
5. Tell someone they dropped a dollar (even though they didn’t). Then give them a dollar.
6. Donate old towels or blankets to an animal shelter.
7. Say hi to the person next to you on the elevator.
8. Surprise a neighbor with freshly baked cookies or treats!
9. Let someone go in front of you in line who only has a few items.
10. Leave a gas gift card at a gas pump.
11. Throw a party to celebrate someone just for being who they are, which is awesome.
12. Have a LinkedIn account? Write a recommendation for coworker or connection.
13. Leave quarters at the laundromat.
14. Encounter someone in customer service who is especially kind? Take an extra five minutes to tell their manager.
15. Leave unused coupons next to corresponding products in the grocery store.
16. Leave a note on someone’s car telling them how awesome they parked.
17. Try to make sure every person in a group conversation feels included.
18. Write a kind message on your mirror with a dry erase marker for yourself, your significant other or a family member.
19. Place a positive body image notes in jean pockets at a department store.
20. Smile at five strangers.
21. Set an alarm on your phone to go off at three different times during the day. In those moments, do something kind for someone else.
22. Send a gratitude email to a coworker who deserves more recognition.
23. Practice self-kindness and spend 30 minutes doing something you love today.
24. Give away stuff for free on Craig’s List.
25. Write a gratitude list in the morning and again in the evening.
26. Know parents who could use a night out? Offer to babysit for free.
27. Hold up positive signs for traffic or in a park for people exercising outside!
28. Return shopping carts for people at the grocery store.
29. Buy a plant. Put it in a terracotta pot. Write positive words that describe a friend on the pot. Give it to that friend!
30. Write a positive comment on your favorite blog, website, or a friend’s social media account.
31. Have a clean up party at a beach or park.
32. While you’re out, compliment a parent on how well-behaved their child is.
33. Leave a kind server the biggest tip you caån afford.
34. When you’re throwing something away on the street, pick up any litter around you and put that in the trash too.
35. Pay the toll for the person behind you.
36. Put 50 paper hearts in a box. On each cutout write something that is special about your partner or a friend. Give them the box and tell them to pull out a heart anytime they need a pick-me-up.
37. Everyone is important. Learn the names of your office security guard, the person at the front desk and other people you see every day. Greet them by name. Also say “hello” to strangers and smile. These acts of kindness are so easy, and they almost always make people smile.
38. Write your partner a list of things you love about them.
39. Purchase extra dog or cat food and bring it to an animal shelter.
40. Find opportunities to give compliments. It costs nothing, takes no time, and could make someone’s entire day. Don’t just think it. Say it.
41. Take flowers or treats to the nurses’ station at your nearest hospital.
42. Keep an extra umbrella at work, so you can lend it out when it rains.
43. Send a ‘Thank you’ card or note to the officers at your local police or fire station.
44. Take muffins or cookies to your local librarians.
45. Run an errand for a family member who is busy.
46. Leave a box of goodies in your mailbox for your mail carrier.
47. Tape coins around a playground for kids to find.
48. Put your phone away while in the company of others.
49. Email or write to a former teacher who made a difference in your life.
50. When you hear that discouraging voice in your head, tell yourself something positive — you deserve kindness too!

From: RandomActsofKindness.org - 50 Ways to Pay it Forward

Abby's Pay It Forward Project