Gratitude as the Antidote

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

For many years, we have been reading research on the connections between the practice of gratitude and happiness, health, improvements in personal or professional relationships.  Though the definition of gratitude varies, most studies confirm that there is much to be gained by recognizing, reflecting on, and articulating experiences or things that are valuable and meaningful to us.  In Praise of Gratitude, published several years ago around the Thanksgiving season in America, lists some easy "Ways for Cultivating Gratitude"from thanking someone mentally to keeping a gratitude journal.

In her "Creativity in Therapy" blog, Carolyn Mehlomakulu shared the idea of using a "Gratitude Jar" as a tool to "increasing awareness of positive things in one's life".

I believe I will start with being grateful for the jar of Strawberry Rhubarb jam which will put me on my journey of gratitude this school year!

Tulips on the Fence

It's a rare occasion - being home in the middle of the day, having a reflective moment.  The flu may have its perks after all!  Looking at the "new" fence, which has been about 4/15 finished for 3 years brought on a chuckle.  For a number of very good reasons, projects don't always get completed quickly at our home.  For 98% of the time, we don't fight about it because we both know that we both do things that drive the other one batty.  (But I get to pick which ones gets blog about.)  Being able to laugh at these things have proved better for the family, once we get over being concerned about what other people think.  After all, other people do not get to enjoy the haven that is our home, to which each of us gladly return at the conclusion of our day in the outside world.

It did get me thinking though about advise for our daughters.  Perhaps they should do projects with their significant others before making any permanent decisions, you know,  just to see if they work well  together. Projects seem to be what people do so much of nowadays.  We could administer the Myers-Briggs or the Compass Protocol to assess the match in their personalities or work approaches.  Or they could each marry her best friend and figure it out from there.  After all, if we knew too much about each other, or if we knew too much of what was to come, perhaps very few would take the leap.

As we approach Valentine's Day, let's celebrate the leaps of faith (or hope) many have taken.  Let's also remember that a marriage is about two people finding their way through projects, sometimes parenting, and almost always painful times.  As a wise woman (a lovely Mrs. Tapia) once told me, when the children are launched, only the two of us will remain.  Let's always be building our marriages with that in mind.

When I went home from boarding school one year, my parents had tucked this poem into the corner of a photo frame.  While I read and admired the beauty of its words, I did not appreciate the wise message as much as I do today.  Perhaps it's because we have two teenagers in the house now and I am constantly reminded that every opportunity is a chance to support them in their learning how to think for themselves.

Our generation of parents err in both ways.  Some of us ask too much of our little children.  We cannot ask a four year old "what do you want for lunch?"  We have to create safety by offering choices that are realistic to help them be successfully and grow in their confidence. 

In the same way, we can no longer only demand blind obedience from our pre-teens and teens.  We have to dialog about the why and listen to their thinking and to their hearts.  They need us to believe in them and gently guide them.  They do not need us to control their circumstances by taking over and solving every problem for them; or worse still, trying to set every thing up perfectly so they do not experience discomfort.  By doing so, we are saying "we do not believe you are able to deal with this."

Let's be those stable bows for our children~

Dan Gilbert Asks, Why Are We Happy?

Thought provoking . . .
Dan Gilbert asks, Why are we happy? | Video on TED.com

The Children of 9/11

I will always remember coming home from the "Water Tower Park" with my toddler, stepping through the threshold and seeing the look in my husband's eyes. We were not yet a cell phone connected family and we had just spent the most serene morning with friends sliding down the big, big slide. The days to follow were life changing for all . . .

But as an elementary school counselor - these are the children who have been on my heart the most through the years. Today, let's send them our collective good wishes by practicing one, two, three or more acts of kindness.

For children of 9/11, answers are slow - The Boston Globe